Mindfulness for Difficult Conversations

As businesses transition to in-person work and the school year gets underway, we face difficult questions: 

• When and under what circumstances are employees comfortable returning to work?

• Will our workplace require vaccines? 

• How will we handle child care decisions? 

For employees, employers, parents and family members, these conversations can be anxiety-provoking and overwhelming. Understandably, these topics carry emotional weight.  

It matters what we communicate and how we communicate it. Today’s post is about how we can manage our own emotions during difficult conversations so that we can respond, rather than react. Mindfulness can help you learn how to better manage your emotions and respond with less reactivity. The following mindfulness exercises can be done inconspicuously, and can be used before, during or after an emotionally tense conversation.

Body scan: Moving upwards from your feet to your head, notice any areas of tension. Imagine breathing into and relaxing those areas of tension. Try tensing and then relaxing a specific part of your body, such as your foot muscles- easy to do without anyone noticing!

Notice: Name 3 to 5 things you can physically feel right in the moment. For example, the chair against your back, the breeze blowing against your skin, the glasses on the bridge of your nose, and your feet supported by the ground. 

I Spy: Name 3 to 5 things you can see and mentally describe their color, shape and size. Alternatively, search for all the colors of the rainbow, as many shapes as you can find or things that start with the letter “B.” 

Breathe: Focus on taking deep “belly breaths” from the diaphragm and notice your abdomen moving as you breathe. Many people find it helpful to count their breaths or use a technique called “square breathing” (inhale for 4 seconds, hold your breath for 4 seconds, exhale for 4 seconds, hold your breath for 4 seconds).

If you continue to feel upset and reactive, it’s okay to excuse yourself from the conversation. A helpful acronym is HALT, which stands for Hungry, Angry, Lonely and Tired. If you are feeling any of these things, the chances of a conversation being productive are slim. Ask for a break or to reschedule the conversation. 

We all feel more out of control these days, and more likely to seek control by managing the behaviors of others. Before you get in a non-productive discussion with someone, try out some mindful grounding exercises first. Remind yourself that you can only control your own choices, and you cannot control the choices of others. 

Respond, rather than react. 

If you’re looking for more mindfulness practice, check out the following apps: Headspace (Free for a limited version of the app; premium membership free within LA County); Mindful USC (Free for a full version of the app); Calm (Free for a limited version of the app; premium membership free with Kaiser)